Do you ever feel triggered by your child’s behaviour?
Not listening? Defiance? Hurting others? Yelling?
What if, instead of pointing the finger at your child’s behaviour… I asked you to turn that finger around to yourself?
When you feel triggered by your child’s behaviour it normally means that a part of YOU is needing to heal and your child’s behaviour is poking at that subconscious wound.
Quite often the initial wound may have occurred when you were a child, perhaps even the age your child is now.
Ever notice how these triggering behaviours keep coming up OVER and OVER again? Getting more and more persistent?!
They keep reflecting back to you, giving you the opportunity to heal, until you do!
So how do we heal these parts of ourselves and move past the persistent triggering behaviours?
Our children are mirrors, reflecting back to us our parts that are needing to heal, needing to integrate, needing to be brought to light. So when we take time to reflect on where we are having challenges with our children we get clarity on what is really beneath the issue. We see the truth of what is really going on.
We get to see how our past experiences may have been clouding our judgment and preventing us from being here now with ourselves and our children.
Recently I’ve had a lot my own “stuff”coming up around my 7yo’s screen time.
I found that I had a huge blind spot here!
For a long while I didn’t even realise that I was being triggered. Yet it became more and more persistent until I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I had to sit down and look into the issue and what was really going on.
I was struggling to stay present and compassionate whenever my 7yo started getting upset because he doesn’t have an iPod to play video games on (like his friend does).
Whenever he started getting upset about this (whining, complaining, demanding, crying) I was actually disconnecting from him but not conscious of it. I was not responding to his feelings, I was not able to be in the moment with him.
My past experiences and feelings around shame, guilt, judgment were clouding my perception of the current situation.
I was getting frustrated and agitated, and thinking things like
:: he’s being ungrateful for all the stuff he already has
:: he’s being greedy
:: why does he always want more?
:: why is he not content with what he has?
:: what have I done wrong as a parent?
The first step for me was becoming aware of my disconnection.
Then I was able to get curious about it, trace it back to the source and integrate the part of myself that was needing healing and love.
I was able to really listen to my son’s feelings with calm and compassion. I was able to set boundaries around screen time that I felt good about and I was able to enjoy some screen time with him!
How can YOU become more aware of what’s really going on in your unique situation?
Set your timer for five minutes and write about that issue that has been challenging you lately with your child. (Maybe it’s screen time, maybe it’s not listening to you, being uncooperative, hitting, pinching, dawdling or something else.)
You might recognise that you’ve been over reacting and start questioning that. “I wonder why…”
Is there anywhere you could listen compassionately to yourself about why you’re reacting the way you are?
Be compassionate and gentle with yourself.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, please share with me in the private Lightfilled Parenting circle here
B. Ed Early Childhood
Certified Lightworker Practitioner