When children are showing us challenging behaviours, what they are really asking for is our help, and we can help them through more connection and love (rather than disconnection and punishment).

The trouble is trying to remember this in the heat of the moment!

It’s not easy, especially at first. You have to retrain your brain and this takes time.

But the more you become aware of your own feelings, reactions and the patterns you’ve learnt from your own parents, the more connection and love will become your new automatic response.

Like yesterday, I had to go to the supermarket after work. The further we got, the more my 3 yr old wanted to snatch things off the shelves and run like a crazy, drunk person down the aisles…

I was tired.

I started feeling frustrated and angry.

Why couldn’t he just sit in the trolley?!

I could have snapped, yelled, forced him to sit somewhere he didn’t want to…

But, I was able to take a moment, a breath, and notice that I was not feeling grounded, or in my body.

(Note: It took me a long time of consciously working on it, to get to this point where I can become aware of my reactions as they are happening)

All the people, the lights, the busyness. It feels chaotic to me.

And in that moment I realised it was the same for my 3 yr old.

He wasn’t trying to make things hard for me. He was having a hard time!

He needed my help.

Realising that immediately helped me feel reconnected to myself and to him.

I took a deep breath and I called him over to me, took him lovingly by the hand and said simply “let’s walk together”.

He was happy to do that. He melted into my safeness. He helped me choose things and put them in the trolley. And grocery shopping was not so bad after all!

I’d love to hear how you’re going with your reactions in the heat of the moment? Share with me in the Lightfilled Parenting circle here.

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Belinda Connelly

Parenting Mentor

B. Ed (Early Childhood)

Certified Lightworker Practitioner 

 

PS We talk more about different tools to help you stay calm and present when you respond to your kids in my online program Emotional Balm