We are awakening to how harmful practices like shaming, judging and punishing can be on our child’s sense of self worth.

BUT these ways are so deeply ingrained and automatic within us that they creep out sometimes.

Those times we are not feeling very grounded and centered.

Those times we are not totally present.

Those times our cups are running on empty.

In those times, we might notice words coming out of our mouths that sound a lot like our own parents’!

Afterwards, our hearts will weigh heavily and we might wonder if our kids will always remember these words instead of the 99% of the time we choose better.

We might feel guilt and remorse and shame.

We might feel like we’re failing at this motherhood thing.

What can really help is to acknowledge your true feelings, step up and be brave enough to be vulnerable with your kids.

Maybe you were wrong, maybe you made a bad choice, maybe you made a mistake.

And apologise.

By doing this you are demonstrating that it’s okay to make mistakes and okay to make bad choices and okay to admit the truth. You are role modelling problem solving and authenticity and vulnerability. One day your child will make a mistake and instead of hiding it because they want to live up to your ‘perfect’ example, they’ll know that messing up is part of life AND how to go about resolving it or getting help.

The best apologies don’t include a ‘but’

Example “I’m sorry that I shouted BUT you shouldn’t have… x y z .”

This type of apology puts the blame on your child for your bad behaviour. Leave that part out.

Take responsibility for your own behaviour.

Example “I’m really sorry that I lost my patience and shouted at you before. Are you okay?”

Apologising allows your child shake your words off and not carry them around. It also means you will feel clear and aligned to your true values once more and let you release any guilt or shame weighing on your heart.

What happens at your place when you make a mistake with your kids?

Could you try this approach? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the Lightfilled Parenting Circle here

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Belinda Connelly

Parenting Mentor
B. Ed (Early Childhood)
Certified Lightworker Practitioner

 

PS If you’d like some support with your parenting challenges, check out how we can work together here