Listen to the audio version of this post HERE

Watch the video version of this post HERE

Pain travels through families until someone is ready to feel it.” ~ Stephi Wagner

 

Do you find that in moments of stress you resort to unconscious patterns such as eating, using your phone, or something else?

Did you know that most of us are unconsciously passing these patterns and ways of responding  on to our children?

Would you like to change that???

Becoming aware of my unconscious patterns and responses has played such a huge part in my motherhood journey.

For the first year of my son’s life I spent a lot of time distracting him from painful and uncomfortable feelings through things like breast feeding and rocking.

And although distracting him from his feelings seemed like the kindest and most helpful thing to do… what I came to realise was that I wasn’t actually solving the problem.

What I was doing was helping him learn to push his feelings down and creating patterns where every time he had some painful or uncomfortable feelings he would want to be breast fed or picked up.

The more the feelings built up, the more he seemed to need these things.

And the more challenging behaviours seemed to come bubbling up (sleep issues like waking multiple times per night and taking a long time to fall asleep and aggressive behaviours like biting and pinching).

As I became more aware of my own unconscious patterns and responses to feelings I could clearly see how my son was learning to repress his feelings from ME and I began working towards breaking free of those patterns we’d both acquired, so that we could spend more time feeling connected to our true feelings and loving nature.

Children experiences a range of feelings everyday, right from birth. Things like powerlessness, overwhelm, fear, frustration, disappointment, sadness… just like us.

No matter how consciously we parent, we can’t possibly prevent our children from experiencing these feelings.

The trouble is, *most* of us have been taught or shown that it’s not safe to express with others or even feel ourselves our painful or uncomfortable feelings from a very young age. We’ve learnt to numb, avoid and push them down instead.

But when we repress our feelings, they don’t just go away and what tends to happen is that we develop unhealthy patterns to cover them up.

Think:
🍰 eating
🍷 drugs/ alcohol
📱screens
🏃‍♀️ movement
💻 work

Can you think of any others???

And unconsciously, we pass these patterns on to our children.

How?

Just say you eat when you’re upset…

Think back to how your parents responded when you were upset as a child…

Perhaps they thought you were hungry and offered food or distracted you with something sweet….

And now think about how you respond when your children are upset…

Does it feel very natural for you to offer food or milk to comfort them?

Can you see how these patterns can be passed down through generations, numbing and covering up pain?

That is… until someone comes along who is ready to actually look at what’s going on and consciously make different choices so that we can heal, break the patterns and transform the way we are raising our children.

Would you like to know more?

This is where my work can come in to support you!

You can start learning about the ways we (and our children) repress our feelings and choose to respond differently for free on my Facebook page where I welcome any questions you might have.

Or you can download my 30 minute online workshop. 

Whats included?

30 minute recorded audio + 30 page ebooklet

1) What happens when we push our feelings down?

2) How we develop unconscious patterns in the first place and examples of these for both children and adults

3) Identifying your own unconscious patterns

4) Identifying patterns within your family

5) How these patterns contribute to more challenging behaviours such as aggression and sleep issues with our children

6) How to transform our unconscious patterns and responses

So that you can break free from ingrained patterns and responses and consciously choose the way you’d like to respond to your children.

Upon purchase you’ll receive the workshop directly in your inbox. Get started straight away for just $15

 

A2B3DE17-76B7-49D0-BCA9-5D5F298F86E1

I’m looking forward to connecting further with you,

img_0182-3

Belinda Connelly

Parenting Mentor

B.Ed (Early Childhood)

Lightworker Practitioner